You had a fight, now What?⁣

Santosh Kanekar

Who’s to Blame?⁣

NO ONE⁣

In a relationship, ⁣
whether business or romantic
It’s natural to feel angry or sad or ⁣
a mix of both⁣

After all, if you really care ⁣
for the person and/or ⁣
the relationship, ⁣
you will want happy, ⁣
productive, meaningful,⁣
fulfilling interactions

When a fight happens, ⁣
it soon becomes “the” fight⁣

We want to ascribe blame and ⁣
cause to the other person or ⁣
sometimes, even self-flagellate and say ⁣
“I am the one to blame”

What is necessary is to recognize and appreciate such an event ⁣
as necessary for ⁣
the robustness of the relationship⁣

“What? we just fought over who will have the remote or⁣
We just fought over whose face comes on the left of the website⁣
And how is that necessary?”⁣

Great, if you feel it’s that trivial, why did you fight?⁣

And the answer lies in the WHY⁣


Check out the video to understand how to handle “fights”

The fights always point to some conversations ⁣
which need to happen ⁣
but are not happening⁣

which are happening ⁣
but one person is not listening⁣

which are happening ⁣
but one person is not able to communicate⁣

Jerry Colonna simplifies by asking these questions⁣

  • “What am I not saying that needs to be said?”⁣
  • “What am I saying that’s not being heard?”⁣
  • “What’s being said that I’m not hearing?”

They make you aware of ⁣
your role in the conversation⁣

It also builds empathy ⁣
for the other person and ⁣
to see things from ⁣
the other person’s perspective ⁣
which is vital for a successful relationship⁣

And the killer question is this⁣
“How have I been complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?”⁣

The idea is not to break ⁣
one’s bones by saying ⁣
“I am responsible for everything, ⁣
I am a bad person” ⁣
but to recognize the inner game that we play⁣

“What’s that?”⁣

We say we don’t want ⁣
something to happen ⁣
but we play a role in ⁣
making the same thing happen ⁣

Tough to accept but it happens ⁣
and Jerry is making us aware of it⁣

Next time, ⁣
before you get into another fight ⁣
or want to avoid it, ⁣
ask those four questions⁣

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