“I love Drama especially
in fights”
No one says this
And yet, most participate
Amongst people we know
There is always someone we say is a Drama Queen
Reality we all have the capability and inclination to bring “drama” into our relationships
Remember all the times
you had a tough conversation
which either resulted in
yelling, shouting and hurling insults or
sulking in a corner and
giving each other the third-degree silent treatment
Jim Dethmer says all drama in relationships happen due to 2 reasons
1 Unkept agreements
2 Unaligned commitments
What’s that?
See the video for examples on both
Agreements are either explicit or implicit.
If they are spelt out and
you are not doing them then,
either you never wanted to do it and went with the flow
or you have an issue with keeping promises
Which one is it for you?
Commitments are often implicit and it is best to use
an emotional event in the relationship
to make it explicit
For Eg you may have different opinions
on whether to remember
birthdays of parents on both sides.
Instead of shaming the other person,
designate the person
for whom this is important
to always remind
the other person on the coming birthdays
In a business partnership,
you may have different values
around generosity
to clients or employees
eg doing work for free for clients or
giving surprise bonus to employees,
it’s best to make
these discussions explicit and
let the partner
who feels strongest about the issue,
take ownership of it
Commitments and agreements are,
at heart,
about values.
Agreements just make them more explicit through tasks
______________________________
Please drop in comments
Ask yourself
Which of the two: agreements and commitments, is an issue in your relationships, personal and professional? What action will you take?